Pastors, teachers, coaches, leaders, parents and friends, influencers of all kinds: PLEASE GET THIS 🔥
We are not here to save people from their sins.
We are not here to save people from their pain, poverty, suffering or misery.
We are not here to help the helpless or to heal the broken.
None of these things directly.
(I know some of you may be saying, but didn’t God say to bind up the broken-hearted, to heal the sick and the lame, etc. Yes, however, what God has spoken has always been held in a paradox by its opposing force, even matters such as saving and healing. Did not Jesus say, “let the spiritually dead bury their own dead?”)
Obviously, I’m not talking about rescuing someone from imminent danger. Let’s not be ignorant.
Don’t you understand that when you “save someone from their sins,” they will need a savior.
When you save them from their pain and suffering, they will need yet another savior.
When you help someone who is helpless, they will need help again.
When you heal someone who is broken, they will break again and find themselves in need of healing…again.
Are you getting this?
It’s high time to rise above the savior mentality.
You see, when you are “the savior,” you are needed in a way that holds the other in a position of weakness – in your eyes and in theirs. This only causes you to see them as weaker, struggling, helpless, broken, in need of help (yours especially) and gives them even more evidence to continue to believe what they already believe about themselves.
Now, I know you have an incredibly loving, deeply compassionate, wildly other-oriented heart. And that is so beautiful!
But, when you overwork the muscle of compassion, you forget it’s antagonist.
You see, every muscle has an opposing antagonistic muscle.
The agonist and the antagonist.
Ask any knowledgeable trainer: if you do not work both, you will create an imbalance. If you keep on doing this, it will affect your strength, your function, your physique and your overall performance. Working them both and using them in conjunction creates balance and stability, which increase your strength and your force. And you are a force of nature, aren’t you?
(I must say it’s quite easy to see that force and compassion must be in balance and BOTH are necessary for really great sex!) Keep that in mind while you pick up what I’m throwing down.
In life and relationships, wildly generous compassion is a beautiful contribution to others, but in the same vein – understand that compassion alone is not the answer.
Each of us have a naturally stronger way we relate to others. Most of the people who choose to lead others, pastor, coach, teach, or serve them in an leadership role often have a strong “compassion” muscle – although this is not always the case, as we have all experienced leaders whose stronger muscle was their demand for change at the expense of compassion for the state of the people.
(By the way, if you think of who this type of leader attracts…they are usually the inner weak. And if you think of the type of people attracted to a leader who is only compassionate without a strong sense of give the people no shit and take no shit from them, he or she will also attract the inner weak (don’t be deceived by the outwardly strong). The strong leader attracts both. And ONLY the strong leader can even come close to ringing the bell of the inner strong man or woman – because they are themselves true leaders and can smell weakness (insecurity, fear) from a mile away. How? They slayed that mother fucker a few times in their own lives.)
If this is you – if you have an incredibly strong compassion side and less of the take no shit, tell it like it is backbone – it can be hard to just switch over to a way of being that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable to you. You don’t have to. But try incorporating a little more and growing that antagonist muscle in your way of relating to others.
In exercise, when you are wanting to strengthen a muscle, there is a way of incorporating the antagonist muscle through what’s called an eccentric movement.
Concentric is to bring up/in (to lift) and eccentric is to bring down/away (to lower). We can lower heavier weight than we can lift (as in the eccentric move). When you are lifting (concentric), you are relying on the strength of the agonist muscle without the greater addition and help of the antagonist muscle.
When you rely on your own natural bent of compassion to the reductionist use of its antagonist in your own way of being – you are exerting yourself while “relying on your own strength” and limiting what you can achieve. In other words, you are not living in the fullness of who you are and are not offering that fullness to others. And by way of diffusion, you are not demonstrating to them how to truly be balanced and strong in their own lives.
When you focus on the eccentric move, it increases the utilization of the antagonist – and you can move heavier weight! You can increase/do more/see more results when you incorporate both.
The use of both strengthens you as a leader, and it strengthens what you can do/accomplish.
Now, understand that this DIRECTLY applies to your life and relationships, your way of being and showing up to your career, your love life, and the future you are concurrently creating.
Yes, others need to be received in love. They need to be accepted as they are. Cherished, seen as shameless and innocent.
BUT at the same time, you need to call out the motherfucking badass inside of them.
So they can save themselves!
So they can heal themselves!
So they can unfuck their own minds and unbreak their own hearts.
Jesus rose himself from the dead with the spirit inside of him,and “the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in you.” The SAME spirit. The overcoming, death conquering, unstoppable, unbeatable, UNFUCKWITHABLE spirit.
You can’t do that shit for others – so stop thinking you can! You are setting yourself up for exhaustion and disappointment, and you setting them up for failure.
When you call out the genius, the sage, the guru, the master in them and you preach, teach, coach and encourage them to self-mastery, to rise the fuck up out of their ashes, to break the chains off their own necks, to take their seat of authority over their life – like it’s always been theirs because it has! When you teach them to take the dominion they were born for – then, you raise them up as an equal. You raise them up to the rightful place as ruler and creator of their own life. You give them the opportunity to take responsibility – which is the ability to respond – to their life, but more than that, to create the life of their dreams because they are no longer dis-empowered by the weak identity they used to have. Because they can now: decide, choose, be, do, have all the things that are in their heart that they couldn’t quite do when they thought they were weaker than you.
Shift them from dependent to dominating.
Raise them up to the level you know is rightfully theirs.
If you are a master, than you know what I’m talking about. It takes a master to know one.
Don’t withhold this knowledge from them in order to feed your desire to be admired, appreciated and needed as Savior – and for gods sake not for your bank account!
Teach them to depend on themselves, not on you. Teach them that they’ve always had the power within them! Teach them they need not seek a source outside of them and that all things are theirs, that all authority belongs to them.
They’ve NEVER needed a savior – they needed a reminder of who the fuck they are.
THAT is what you are – a reminder of who they already are.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Raise them up. Raise them up. And rejoice on the day they no longer need you – for then you have done your work. THAT is a true act of compassionate service.
I am my own master and my own muse.